The issue: Yuck, Springing Ahead. Every year they make us, and I walk around yearny and disoriented. My brain knows ---We got that extra hour in October; we HAVE to give it back---but my body and my heart feel cranky. They don't want to give it back.
(This is the part where someone who has no soul always suggests we just stop with Daylight Savings altogether. No!It is part of me! Some people need to be more Culturally Sensitive.)
I'm a northern-latitudes girl. I like my extremes, and I like how Standard vs. Daylight makes them extremier. The long spring evenings arrive like a present dropped out of the sky. Then in the Fall, BAM, it's dark so early and suddenly apples taste sharper and crisper.
How can we keep the joy of time change, but lose the pain of Springing Forward?
The Obvious Solution: In the Spring, set our clocks TWENTY-THREE HOURS BACK.
Wonderful! But how does it WORK?!
- In the wee small hours of Spring Ahead morning, instead of moving forward from 2 am to 3 am Sunday, move from 2 am SUNDAY and make it 3 am SATURDAY. (Be brave. It's just a clock and a calendar. They are not the boss of you.)
- Now, sleep in on Saturday! There is nothing on your calendar! In fact, not even your day is on your calendar! A critical part of this solution is never, ever, allowing our 23-hour Saturday---I call it Saturday23--- to get on a schedule. We never document that extra 2-3 am in October, right? Precedent, baby.
- Enjoy your extra day. Go to museums! Stay in bed binge-watching The Newsroom! Write that paper! Wander around in a haze of gratitude!
- Proceed to Sunday as usual, your evening light intact, your body filled with bounce and joy instead of unnamed longing.
Now, I am not as smart as you are, but even I can see that over some years we will eventually develop a problem. If we keep adding days like this, pretty soon March will feel like August and not just because fossil fuels.
Adding 23 hours every Spring, in seven years we'll have added about one extra week. SO, every seven years we must GIVE A WEEK BACK. I suggest we take it out of February. February is stupid, and we're already messing with it with that whole leap day thing. (We will probably have to give Black History Month to another month. Excellent. Any month is better than February.)
Now 23 hours x 7 doesn’t equal a whole week, but that's just math, right? Solve it. Mess with leap day, I don’t care.
What have I missed? Anybody know some Science?
As Hannah says: Who do we know with some power? Text your uncle the Senator. Share share share, tweet tweet tweet. Next year at this time, we should all be fantasizing about how we're going to use our secret secret Saturday23. (After the sleeping-in part, which is sacrosanct.)
Next problem? Because I tell you what, I am on FIRE.